Kinda creepy

I had a dream last night that left me a little shaky and kept me awake for about an hour before I could go back to sleep..

In my dream, I was standing in my bedroom.. I looked at the wall and saw that swarms of gnats were crawling out from behind 2 of my paintings.. They were spreading out all over the wall.. Then I walked out of my room and saw that the blinds on the window were all shredded and gnats were swarming all over the wall by the window.. Skie was standing in the bathroom looking in the mirror, I called out to her and told her about it, but she didn't seem too concerned.. I remember that I was talking to someone on the phone while I was looking at the gnats, and whoever I was talking to said "that is a sign that someone has been in your house"..
Then Skie and I got in the Durango and went to the library.. I asked the librarian if she had a book on 'signs that someone has been in your house' and she said "well look in your purse".. I looked in my purse and saw that everything had been taken out of it.. My credit cards, ID, money, everything.. Even my phone..
Then we left the library.. On our way to the truck I saw our dogs on the front lawn of the library.. So I put Buster in the back seat with Skie and I put Copper in the very back.. I put the truck in reverse, backed out of the parking lot and then tried to drive forward but the truck would only go backwards.. It started going faster and faster and when I pressed on the brakes nothing happened.. I yelled back at Skie that the truck wouldn't stop, and she said very unconcerned "oh, really"..
I knew then that she had done something to the truck and that she had done it on purpose.. I thought to myself that the only way I would be able to stop the truck would be to run it into a tree.. But I also knew that Skie knew how to stop the truck, she just wouldn't tell me.. So I said "you know, if I have to run this truck into a tree to stop it, Copper is going to get hurt because he is in the back".. Again, Skie was very unconcerned.. She just said "yeah I know"..
I was about to turn my head and yell at her when all of a sudden I did not want to look at her.. I knew that if I did, she would not look like my daughter.. I knew she would look terrifying.. I even said to myself "I can't look at her, I'm too afraid to look at her." But I did.. I turned my head to ask her why she messed with the truck.. All of a sudden her face changed.. She looked positively evil.. Her hair was wild, her face was distorted and she had a horrible smile on her face.. She said very sweetly "I'm going to help you die".. Then everything sped up.. She started shaking her head and screaming hysterically.. Laughing and screaming.. I remember that I had pressed down on the emergency break just after she started screaming.. I knew it wouldn't work and that we were going to die..
Then I woke up..

Kinda creepy..

I miss Clay..

It hasn't exactly been quiet the last couple of weeks, far from it.. But they aren't things I can blog about to the rest of the world..

Clay has been gone for 11 days.. Still not to the halfway mark.. I miss him..

As usual, all the crap that has been happening around here didn't start until he left.. I told him the last time we talked that I was considering moving to Africa just to keep everything drama free.. As long as he is home, nothing goes wrong.. There are no surprises, no dilemmas, no drama.. Nothing at all.. Then he goes to work and everything gets out of whack..

*sigh*

I shouldn't complain though.. Yesterday when I was talking to Clay I said "nothing ever goes wrong when you are home." and he replied "then I need to find a job in the states".. Truly it does sound wonderful.. But in all actuality? No.. Not a good idea..

For starters, we never argue.. Never.. We have not had a real argument in almost 3 years.. Why would we? Who wants to spend even a second of his time at home fighting?

Second, we just don't get to that 'comfortable' stage of marriage that younger couples dread.. You know, that 'sit in bed and read a book' kind of comfortable? Or that 'don't need to have a conversation at dinner' kind of comfortable.. Or even that 'I need a night out away from my spouse' kind of comfortable..

We talk.. Real conversations.. Not just "we are out of milk" or "how are we going to pay rent?" But real conversations.. We talk about religion, politics, music, sports.. Whole uninterrupted conversations.. We do everything together.. Grocery shopping, lunch, yard work, we even do the laundry together.. We don't get tired of being together because we both know that in an month he will go away again.. So every minute we spend together is worth something.. And no, there is no book reading at night either..

Not to mention, he just would not be happy doing anything but working in the oil field.... He has worked other jobs, and though he was good at them (he is good at everything he does) he absolutely hated them.. And let me tell you, he is an absolute dick when he has to work at a job he hates..

So yes.. In theory, Clay home every evening like other husbands sounds wonderful.. But when I think about other couples (some, not all) who do see each other every day and compare them to Clay and me, I think that in a way I'm luckier than most.. Maybe we appreciate each other a little more, maybe we are a little nicer to each other, a little more considerate, maybe we don't take each other for granted as much..

I dunno..

But I still miss him..

A lot..

Nuthin'

I haven't blogged anything lately..

Nothing to blog about..

Pretty quiet here..

Hindu Wisdom

It is said that all good things are natural to those who know their duty and walk the path of perfect goodness. Perfect men hold as good their own good character. No other goodness is so perfectly good. Love, modesty, propriety, kindly look, and truthfulness--These are the five pillars on which perfect goodness rests.

Happy yet bummed..

My best friend Moon had her baby today.. A very beautiful baby girl.. So I am totally thrilled about that..

Clay left for Congo today, so I'm totally bummed about that..

Oh well.. Can't have everything can we?

Happy St. Patty's day :)

St. Patrick's Day is celebrated on March 17, his religious feast day and the anniversary of his death in the fifth century. The Irish have observed this day as a religious holiday for over a thousand years.
On St. Patrick's Day, which falls during the Christian season of Lent, Irish families would traditionally attend church in the morning and celebrate in the afternoon. Lenten prohibitions against the consumption of meat were waived and people would dance, drink, and feast—on the traditional meal of Irish bacon and cabbage.

It has long been recounted that, during his mission in Ireland, St. Patrick once stood on a hilltop (which is now called Croagh Patrick), and with only a wooden staff by his side, banished all the snakes from Ireland.
In fact, the island nation was never home to any snakes. The "banishing of the snakes" was really a metaphor for the eradication of pagan ideology from Ireland and the triumph of Christianity. Within two hundred years of Patrick's arrival, Ireland was completely Christianized.

Each year, thousands of Irish Americans gather with their loved ones on St. Patrick's Day to share a "traditional" meal of corned beef and cabbage.
Though cabbage has long been an Irish food, corned beef only began to be associated with St. Patrick's Day at the turn of the century.
Irish immigrants living on New York City's Lower East Side substituted corned beef for their traditional dish of Irish bacon to save money. They learned about the cheaper alternative from their Jewish neighbors.

The shamrock, which was also called the "seamroy" by the Celts, was a sacred plant in ancient Ireland because it symbolized the rebirth of spring. By the seventeenth century, the shamrock had become a symbol of emerging Irish nationalism. As the English began to seize Irish land and make laws against the use of the Irish language and the practice of Catholicism, many Irish began to wear the shamrock as a symbol of their pride in their heritage and their displeasure with English rule.

My recipe for corned beef and cabbage..

5 pounds corned brisket of beef

Pickling spices

3 carrots, peeled and quartered

3 onions, peeled and quartered

1 medium-sized green cabbage, quartered or cut in wedges

Melted butter (about 4 tablespoons)

6 bottles Mickey's beer

Place the corned beef in a pot and cover with beer.. Add the pickling spices (in supermarkets, these often come packaged with the corned beef). Cover the pot or kettle, bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer 5 hours or until tender, skimming occasionally.

During the last hour, add the carrots and onions and cover again. During the last 15 minutes, add the cabbage. Transfer meat and vegetables to a platter and brush the vegetables with the melted butter.

Serve with boiled parsley potatoes, cooked separately.

May you have warm words on a cold evening, A full moon on a dark night,

And the road downhill all the way to your door.

Monday morning..

It's going to be warm today.. Over 70!!

Don't have any exciting plans today, just cleaning the house and making a turkey.. I have it soaking in a brine right now (thanks again to Moon)..

Making corned beef and cabbage tomorrow for St. Patrick's day.. It's a big deal around here for Clay and Skie (being Irish and all) and we pretend that we don't know what St. Patrick is really famous for (you know, murdering innocent pagans, Protestants and anyone who wasn't catholic).. They just pretend that it's a day to celebrate being Irish.. So I cook the corned beef and cabbage in the Mickey's and color the butter green for Skie, and drink a nice big glass of Irish cream and go along with them..

LOL

13 years

It's hard to believe that 13 years ago today, Clay and I stood in a little room in a basement office, in the court house in Jacksonville NC.. He said "yeah" I said "um, ok" and we were married..

I remember we lived in a horrible, trashy, 2 bedroom trailer that we had to share with 4 other people to make the $200.00 a month rent..

Wow.. Where does the time go?

Happy anniversary Clay..

I love you..

~Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Everyday I love you more and more

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing

Telling me to give you everythingS

easons may change winter to spring

But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide

Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide

But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Oh come what may, come what may I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day~

Very cool..

Clay had a friend in Thailand send us a bottle of Tequila Con Viobra.. He got it for the hoodoo room.. We had been wanting it for some time, but the real thing is difficult to find..

I'm totally psyched.. I had started something (Pig) but had to put the rest of it on hold until we could acquire this.. It came in the mail the other day.. Sometimes Clay working over seas is a good thing :)

Now I'm just waiting to get over this bronchitis so I can finish it..

*cackle*

By the way.. I'm soo tired of being congested..

sick of being sick..

I am feeling better though.. I spent 30 minutes in the bathroom coughing up some incredibly nasty shit last night.. Then I put in a request for some Reiki from my sister.. Thank the gods for my sister! I can breathe! I have 2 more days of antibiotics and I won't be contagious any more..

I'm so bummed that we have all been sick.. Little Luna (Moon's baby) will be born soon and we haven't been able to do anything to help with her arrival.. Clay was going to help put in new floors and help set up the baby's room.. But nooo, we are sick and stuck here.. Dammit..

Oh, the meeting.. It has been moved to May so Clay can be home for it.. I guess it's a meeting to determine what the agency could have done to prevent what happened from happening..

Not that they could have done anything anyway.. I have told them several times that it had nothing to do with them..

Oh well..

Sick.. Still..

We all have bronchitis..

Yay us..

So we are all on antibiotics.. Skie is almost better, Clay isn't doing so well, but better than me..

I feel like hammered shit..

ugh..

Oh, we have to have a meeting with our agency next month before we take any more foster kids.. I am guessing they are not happy about the way that Clay handled things with the state caseworker..

Incredibly stupid I think.. It's not like we didn't make it obvious that we would not work with the state from the very beginning.. If we wanted to work with the state, we would not have signed on with an agency..

Duh..

My card

You are The High Priestess
Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.
The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?

Take the Test to Find Out.

Dammit dammit dammit..

The kids were moved to a permanent foster home yesterday.. I was a little bummed saying goodbye to the baby, so I can imagine how hard it would have been had they stayed for 6 months..

I am taking a month to really think about my decision to be a foster parent.. I think that maybe I was wrong and I'm not cut out for it.. I mean, we have the room, we can afford to do it, and I'm home all day so I have the time.. But I don't enjoy it as much as I thought I would.. So I will think about it for a while and make a decision..

Both Skie and Clay were sick last week.. Skie had a really bad cold and Clay had the flu.. I did a pretty good job keeping everything controlled so we all wouldn't get sick.. Then this morning I woke up with cold AND flu symptoms.. Dammit.. So I will make some medicine today, and should be better in about 3 days.. Hopefully less..

Oh, I hexed my brother finally.. Bastard deserved it anyway.. :)

Moving..

Chuck, the caseworker, found a home for the kids.. He was very pleasant when he talked to Clay on the phone yesterday.. I guess he didn't want to be yelled at again.. He wants to move them Monday at 5:00 PM.. He also doesn't want to notify the mother until after they are moved.. I don't think that's fair.. I think she should at least be told.. We aren't supposed to tell C.C. either.. Also, the kids have a visit with their mother that day at 5:30.. They will be expecting to see their mother and their mother will be expecting to see them.. Not cool.. Clay is going to call him today and suggest that he pick a better time to move them.. I get the feeling that he just doesn't give a crap about the mother at all.. It's really sad because she's actually doing a good job, love her kids and is trying to do what she needs to do to get them back.. I am guessing that he has worked with so many shitty mothers that he doesn't recognize one that is truly trying..
Ass..

Blessed sleep..

My sister took the baby last night so Clay an I were able to get 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep.. It was wonderful!
Yesterday the caseworker from our agency, the state caseworker, and the GAL all came over.. It was not a pleasant meeting.. They told us that as of the 9th of this month the kids would no longer be with our agency.. They will be moved to traditional foster care through health and human services.. We absolutely refuse to work with the state.. I made that perfectly clear from the beginning.. So the kids will have to be moved to another home before the 9th..
They tried everything.. They tried to be apologetic because we would not receive agency pay through the state and that they couldn't do anything about that.. We told them it wasn't about the money.. They tried to say that we didn't care about the kids.. We shot that down real quick.. They tried guilt.. Didn't work.. He even gave me his word that he would not be nor ever has been like other state caseworkers (not answering their phone, not returning calls, not sharing information or keeping anyone updated to recent changes).. I told him that he had already proven that he would be just like the rest.. He did not notify me that their previous caseworker had moved and he had been placed as the new caseworker, nor has he given me any way to contact him whatsoever.. So they are in the process of finding another placement for the kids.. He said it would take a couple days.. I doubt it.. I'm betting it will take much longer than that..
Monkey is sick..
Again..
Dammit..

Good Morning!

We have to go to Skieler's school today. The sixth grade class is giving 'live speeches'.. Skie is Sandra Day O'Conner.. She has to dress like a judge, stand perfectly still and then 'come to life' and give her speech when someone touches her.. She has her speech memorized (I heard it about 20 times last night), borrowed an outfit from Elaine, a gavel from Daniel, and put her hair in a bun.. I told her she looked very grown up, and very uptight and she replied "good, just what I was going for." HA!
She is totally excited.. She has an audition for 'The Suite Life of Zack and Cody' on Monday.. She is supposed to wear a nice outfit (something she would wear to church is what they told me) so I am hoping we get the state return before then so I can buy her something..
We are meeting with the foster kids' caseworker today.. Not really looking forward to it.. I don't like state caseworkers.. I prefer the workers that work through my agency.. State workers don't return calls, they are never available when they are needed, and when they are available, they don't do anything to help..
The kids' mother Maggie (not her real name) called me yesterday, I felt so bad for her.. She has no idea how the system works.. And the fact that her caseworker hasn't talked to her AT ALL doesn't help much.. She was confident that after her next court date that the kids would get to come home.. I explained that this next court date was for the judge and the caseworker to set up a plan for reunification.. In other words, this is only the beginning.. I had to explain that once the plan is set, then they start working towards getting her kids back to her.. So basically, this last month was just a waiting period..
The poor girl, she has been waiting for people to set up her weekly drug tests, waiting for someone to check on her and make sure she is doing what she should be doing, waiting for someone to do something.. Getting her hopes up thinking that she will have her kids back right away only to be told that it hasn't even really started yet.. Even worse, she had to hear this from me, not her caseworker..
Gotta love the system!

Warmer..

It's warming up.. Snow is melting.. Hope it lasts..
Monkey called from school today.. While she was taking a math test she moved just right and sat on a button on the phone in her pocket and it dialed a number on speaker phone.. She did own up to it right away, but the teacher took it away and Thump had to go get it.. So no more taking her pone to school..
The kids have a visit with their mother today so Thump and I can spend some much needed time with Monkey. She has been wonderful.. A big help with C.C. and she hasn't complained that we haven't spent much time with her.. She was an only child for 12 years, and now she has to share us with 2 other children.. But she takes it in stride..
I truly am blessed to have such a great kid..

Monday morning

I am incredibly tired of the cold..
I'm tired of snow..
I'm tired of winter..